So I got outta there at about 9.45 and had class at 11. Just about enough time to drive home, get my books, do nothing for 20 minutes and go to school.

Got out at 12.15, had massage at 1. More time where there's not enough time to do anything but get there and wait. Swung by Radio-Shack (it's right next door to the massage shop) looking for a 1.2 volt white LED... Can't find a source to save my life. (if you know...) Got out of there at 2 after a sweet session... Even managed to take a nap for about 20 minutes untill Tanya started workin' on some of the 'lumps' in my back... They're scar tissue that's getting calcified... (growing little pieces of bone inside themselves) and they have to be 'tenderized' or I'll get bone spurs in the tissue of my back. It's a bit pinfull as you can imagine...

Then it was off to Wound Care at Enloe for my feet and ass. All looks good apparently, but the perssure sore on my ass isn't getting any smaller. I bet it would if I could spend sometime in bed while someone else does some work around the house, but OWCP refuses to pay for that so they might get to buy me some flap surgery instead. WE'll see. It'll suck to have to get it, but I'll point at them and laugh... "I TOLD YOU..."

Got home and managed to sleep for about an hour before something woke me up.

I wanted to do some math, but I missed class yesterday taking Nikki to the airport and he tells us every class what homework to do for the next one, so I don't know what to do. I need to do my OWCP travel reimbursement paperwork (I'm gettin' swamped) too but I spent a few hours looking for the book for another of my classes as I need to do some reading else we're going to have a quiz soon and I'm gonna look quite dumb.

My body had been hurting so bad today all I wanted to do was crawl into bed but it seemed to be one thing after a'nother to do and I couldn't. Find that book. Change the tires on the chair. (worn out and gonna pop) Get the mail. Go to the store, outta milk. Grind coffee 4 the mornin'. Print out blank OWCP forms. Do laundry. Oh look, there's the book I wanted under the laundry. Make something to eat. Give Herb his sauce. Don't forget to pee, that would be the culmination of a shitty day~> Waking up in a puddle and having to change myself and the bed.

Got a CC of a letter OWCP sent to my pain doc today... It's a questionaire that I'd imagine they have to send out once a year or something. I scanned it and used some text recognition software I downloaded and cracked to get a text file, then I left it on the other machine. I'm prolly not gettin' up again so you'll just have to trust my memory. Essentialy they wanted to know when I might be able to return to work, and if not to my origional job how fast could I get into retraining. When was I expected to be fully recovered? Am I fully recovered? That sort of thing. Seems to me OWCP has failed to realize a traumatic spinal injury is a bit different than a stubbed toe or sprained ankle. You don't just "walk it off". But, from my dealings with them what do I expect.

Had I heard about what happenes to injured firefighters when OWCP gets their shiny meathooks into them from some 3rd or 4th party rumormill, I wouldn't have believed the stories. Had someone who had been injured like I have come in and talked to me while I was still on the crew and I heard the story first hand I would have been apalled. I still don't think I would have believed it. That the Forest Service would allow such a thing to happen to their workers.
Once I started to believe and hear more of the story however I think I would have thought long and hard about continuing in the fire service...

And now as I look back on all the fun I had, friends I made, fires I worked and places I went over the years I wish I had never heard of wildland firefighting as no amount of good memories can make up for how shitty my life is now.

So I had intended to climb into bed and do some homework, but after many speedbumps- Can't find the book, bitch to write while laying down, unknown math asignment... I said to myself "Screw It, I'm not doing anything tonite." I've had a stomach ache for the last 3 or so weeks and it's not helping my state of mind either. I just feel like shit in general today. No sleep and all the pain are really getting to me... I haven't any idea why I can't sleep more than 2 or 3 hours at a stretch but it's starting to get to be a little annoying. I'd really like to be able to sleep the nite through like a 'normal' person. I haven't any idea what could be causing this but i can hear my mom from the peanut-gallery "Well if you didn't drink so much coffee..." The last cup I had today was at 6.45 am today and I'm wide awake now. That's a hell of a caffine buzz if it can last for 18 hours. 'Cource it didn't help at all during the middle of the day today when I almost fell over from exhaustion a few times and I could barely keep my eyes open.

I went outside a while ago and wrote down all the names of my passionflowers~ Then came in and found pictures of all of them. Enjoy.